- Orientalism — I first heard about the book published by Edward Said the summer before starting graduate school (2015). Themes of colonialism and internalized racial inferiority came up consistently throughout my 2018. Orientalism as a pillar of white supremacy and how this relates to my identity development as a woman of the “orient” feels particularly salient to me this year. I’ve already started to learn more about Said’s thoughts and argument via Hoda Katebi. She shares her reflections on the book on a podcast episode of “The Lit Review”. Hoda also featured the book and has included a PDF version of Said’s work on her virtual book club #BecauseWeveRead if anyone is interested.
- Being Muslim: A Cultural History of Women of Color in American Islam — This is another book I’ve been looking forward to reading after hearing about its release last year. In 2018 I was introduced to Dr. Su’ad Abdul Khabeer’s book “Muslim Cool” and Khaled A. Beydoun’s book “American Islamophobia.” Both books highlighted the racialized way in which Islamophobia operates in the United States and taught me about the ways in which Black Muslims have been integral to the development of Islam in America. Dr. Sylvia Chan-Malik’s book continues this conversation as she writes about and interviews Muslim women of color in the United States. For a sneak peak of the book, check out a conversation she had on “The Classical Ideas Podcast.”
- Islamically-Integrated Psychotherapy — I heard Dr. Carrie York Al-Karam speak at the Muslim Mental Health Conference in March of 2018 and became an immediate fan girl. She is a researcher who studies spiritually integrated therapy and focuses on indigenous forms of healing. I want to reconnect with Islamic values and my own practice particularly around mental health and spiritual health. This year I hope to specifically focus on the role of scripture in both harm and healing in spiritual spaces. If any of ya’ll are interested in learning more about Islamically-Integrated Psychotherapy, Dr. Al-Karam also has a podcast conversation which summarizes her work, here.
- My sexuality — I met Angelica-Lindsey Ali at the Black Muslim Psychology Conference in July of 2018. Even though I was visibly uncomfortable in her presentation about sexual pleasure and sexuality (#internalizedbodyshame), I really appreciate her ability to talk about sex with ease and without shame. She explores sexuality from an Islamic perspective and has decades of experience and has done tons of research about African femininity. I hope to continue to work on cultivating shame-free love for my sexuality (and body) this year. She tweets at the Village Auntie and her writing has helped me a lot already!
- My body — I started following Leah Vernon on Instagram earlier this year. I love her storytelling style and her sense of fashion! She talks about being Black, Muslim, and fat and what it means to embrace and negotiate all of these parts of herself. I appreciate her continued vulnerability and willingness to share about her story including her divorce, her self-doubt, and her commitment to herself. I have not had a healthy relationship with my body for a long time and seeing Leah embrace herself fully and completely has inspired me to check-in with my body and my relationship to my physical and mental-self more often.
- My self-doubt — I have so much of it!! And it contributes to a lot of my mental health distress. I have trouble making decisions and trouble committing to people and projects because of insecurities, anxieties, fears, and doubts I have about myself. Closely tied to my self-doubt is self-shaming and an inability to see my strengths because of a strong sense of perfectionism (and fear of evil eye). Challenging thoughts like “am I doing it right?” “what if people think I am dumb/stupid?” “I don’t think this matters much” and “I have nothing to offer” and identifying feelings of guilt, shame, resentment, anger, and hostility have been the blood, sweat, and tears I put into myself during therapy in 2018. As the new year starts, I am ready to continue learning about all of the systemic and interpersonal factors contributing to my self-doubt and make more contact with my strengths to fend off my personal and professional insecurities.
- Tribal History — In December of 2018 I attended a racial equity program in Miami, Florida. I learned a lot about my own racial identity during the program AND learned about the ways in which the erasure of Native people in the United States is a continued form of violence, colonization, and source of deep pain Native people carry with them everyday. As an citizen of the United States , I have not done a great job reflecting and learning about the ways in which I stand (and benefit from existing) on stolen land or the history of the places I interact with. One of my faculty mentors is Native and I realized I do not know much about her story or her people as well. Therefore, this year, I am going to commit to learning more and speaking up/not forgetting about Native communities. I was recently connected to a syllabus written by Native scholars about Elizabeth Warren’s Cherokee citizenship and how her story continues a problematic history of cultural appropriation, erasure, and settler colonialism. If you are interested in learning more check out this resource.
- Emotionally Intelligent Leadership — This is a required book for the class I am teaching this spring (EDPS 315: Collaborative Leadership). Last fall, I taught my first class (EDPS 105: Academic and Career Planning) and was scared SHITLESS throughout semester (cue self-doubt and not seeing my strengths). I worried about if I was doing justice to my students and how I could meet their needs in the classroom. The classroom has been both a form of refuge as well as a toxic space for me personally and I worried about if I was “good enough” as an instructor. At the end of the semester I received heart warming feedback from my students about my teaching style and ability to help them feel seen, important, valued, and cared for as their instructor. Receiving this type of positive feedback from impressionable folks meant a lot to me and made me re-examine my fear of power. I want to continue learning about how to be the best instructor I can be to my students as I teach a new course and help students become emotionally intelligent leaders in their own fields. I know this will mean continuing to be authentic and genuine in my teaching style AND will require me to embrace my role and power in the room.
- Muslim women’s experiences in therapy! I start my dissertation this year!!!!!! I have been waiting YEARS to do independent QUALitative research in my program and have finally met requirements to begin my dissertation. I would like to learn more about Muslim women who have attended therapy and what they have found helpful and harmful in their experience. My dissertation idea comes directly from my own experience as a Muslim woman with several positive AND negative experiences in the therapeutic space.
Prior to my first time attending therapy I did not know/did not consider therapy as a way to manage my stress. After seeing my first therapist I was surprised by how much I enjoyed sessions and how much growth I had made in learning about myself. However, my therapy experiences after that were not always has pleasant or helpful. I found myself challenging my therapists on their biases against Muslim women and found it incredibly exhausting to explain (to another person) why I am not abnormal for wanting to be Muslim and that my faith is a very important part of me (and that I actually LIKE being Muslim).
I am curious about other folks experiences with the mental health system and the ways in which Muslim women and non-binary folks find solace and comfort WITHIN AND OUTSIDE of the mental health system. As a future psychologist, I think it is important my colleagues check their own anti-Muslim bias. I want to provide an opportunity to the field to hear directly from Muslim women on what has been helpful and harmful in therapeutic relationships. My access to people studying to be mental health providers and to the journals which clinicians read is a privilege I want to take advantage of — so if anyone is interested in sharing their story with me, please reach out!
